I've taken to the concept of choosing a word, or short phrase (mantra, anyone?) to focus on as a new year rolls around. I'm one of the appearingly few people who actually think there is great power in resolutions, when they're used for the right reasons. There are plenty of naysayers out there who will quote gym membership statistics and diet failures rolling through the start of a new year, but I'm a firm believer in intention, and acting with said intention. The reason gym memberships go unused and diets lead to failure is highly related to the fact that, those resolutions are set because it's what people feel they are supposed to do, based on societal norms, not because it's something they want to do. Long term success comes to those who choose resolutions based on their own desire for change, not the pressure from others. Now don't get me wrong, your resolution can still be health and fitness based AND succeed, as long as you are doing it for you. I'm a devout believer in prioritizing health and wellness in order to live your best life, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.
Anyway, that was a side tangent. I've gotten away from the standard concept of resolutions for myself, and now I like to boil it down to a word. Or a short phrase, if my long winded self can't get to just one word. I look over the past year with as unbiased of an eye as possible, being honest with myself in regards to where I fell short, but from an accepting place that...I'm human, and it's allowed. Growth comes from being able to look at those traits that don't serve you well, and figuring out how to grow from the experiences and become stronger on the other side.
My word for the year of 2024: Self Respect.
So many of the areas in my life where I struggle or fall short come from a complete and utter lack of self respect, or valuing myself as worthy. This became abundantly clear to me yesterday, as my mom has been helping me with household tasks that are normally my responsibility, but rehabbing my back injury calls for taking a break from. I saw myself through a different lens as I felt guilty to ask her to help me. I thought to myself yesterday morning, "Wow, she's already fed the cats, fed the kids, did the dishes, and refilled the cat's water. I can't ask her to pour litter into their boxes, she's already done too much." Whereas, when it's me, and I do those things, my inner critic tells me I haven't done nearly enough and that there is still a lot to accomplish before I can stop for a minute and breathe.
Take that experience and add it to my most recent blog post, which drew my attention to the fact that I have a tendency to cling to unhealthy friendships. I brought this up to Tiffany and her good advice (my therapist, if you're new here) and she said that it came from a lack of self worth. By clinging to those who treat us poorly, the fairweather friends who come and go as they need something, the ones who have no problem hurting us, we are simply validating the belief that we are unworthy and undeserving of love, kindness, or basic human respect.
insert mindblown emoji here*
It may not seem like a huge revolution to some, but to me, it was. I push away friends who love and encourage me because I feel unworthy of their love. CRAZY. There's probably trauma there, but I'm siding with Tiffany on this one: The why doesn't matter, because we cannot go back and change the past. The what to do now matters, how to move forward and release negative patterns, and CONVINCE ourselves that we are worthy. That there is no amount of doing or pleasing that will suddenly earn us a place on the throne of self respect. We are here to live, to love, to embrace pleasure, to work hard when it serves us, and yes, of course, to be there for others. But not to our detriment. Not to drain our batteries to the point that we literally cannot function because we have offered so much of ourselves to the world, all for the sake of being enough, or worthy, that we cannot see that we are worthy by simply being. By existing. By showing kindness to others but not needing to go to life draining extremities. We are worthy of the love and respect we so freely give to others, but don't see necessary to give to ourselves.
The word, or phrase, Self Respect, encompasses every area of life I need to focus on in order to grow and embrace happier, healthier change in 2024. By honoring this phrase, I will give myself time and space to heal when I am injured. I will no longer push beyond the point of excruciating pain without seeking help, without slowing down, without intentional self care. I will spend time with the friends that I am beyond fortunate to have. I will open their messages, even when I know they're filled with scary things like kindness and encouragment, love and support...all of the things that go against my deeply rooted belief that I am not worthy of those things. I will intentionally spend time with them. I will show them how much I appreciate their kindness as I grow into a space where I can accept their words as truth instead of exaggerations. I will set boundaries, and learn the fact that, as cliche as it is, "No" is a complete sentence. I will move my body with love and care and nourish it with the foods that ten years of study and practice have taught me it desires, because self respect is also shown by respecting your body. I will take "mental pauses" where I unclench my jaw and breathe as much as my 1.5 lungs allow, because it regulates the nervous system and helps soothe anxiety, even if you only do it for one minute each hour (this is SCIENCE, people!). I will ask for the help, and I will accept it with grace and appreciation. I will come to learn, by the end of next year, that I am worthy of my own respect, and my own love. I am worthy of the care I would insist upon giving to others. And, perhaps most importantly for the inner demon that is my perfectionist, I am worthy of grace and forgiveness.
So that's it, that's the word. Self Respect. The umbrella that encompasses the soul growth of 2024. I promise you there's a numerologist or Angel Numbers person out there that will tell you there's something to be said for the synchronicity in those numbers. I'm not that person, because I have no clue, but I'm going to trust in the synchronicity, and will relentlessly pursue the road to self respect.
What's your word? I'd love to hear it. Let's inspire each other.
Kommentare