I'll be honest, I'd kind of forgotten what it felt like to be treated differently (and sometimes downright badly) based on the five pointed star I have a daily habit of wearing. I guess that was a perk of California living...no one cared. But the Bible Belt vibe of Georgia hits even harder after being gone a while, which isn't normally something to bother me, but for some reason, during a trip to Barnes and Noble, it started to get to me. I went for a book, grabbed two (guilty habit). I found myself pacing the store instead of going up to the register. I haven't bought literature in the more metaphysical areas of my interests since being back, and suddenly I was struck with anxiety when it came to taking them to the counter. There was one guy up at the register, looking bored out of his mind. Why couldn't I go up there? What was I waiting for? For him to magically morph into a purple haired, black eyeliner wearing female who also adorned a Pentagram somewhere on her person? That wasn't happening. So the moment of truth: Go and buy the books (with a GIFT CARD no less!) or ditch 'em and run?
I mustered up as much fake confidence as humanly possible and proceeded to the register. Turns out, as is the case for most anxieties, it was completely unwarranted. He was, in fact, incredibly kind. So today, I'm grateful for his kindness, and him proving me wrong (in assuming that every person in this city would burn me alive if given half a chance). I'm also grateful that, though I definitely had anxiety in this situation, I've grown much more comfortable (and dare I even say confident) in being exactly who I am when out in the public world. Sure, I had some mild heart palpitations over buying a couple of books. But there was once a time where I wouldn't wear my jewelry in public, wouldn't have rocks hanging from my rearview mirror, or any other telltale sign that says, "hey, this one...she's a weirdo." Now I see those markings as little flags for others like me, helping us to connect. They are mini neon signs that say, "Hey, I'm weird too. Wanna be weird together?" And let me tell ya, they work.
The guy at Barnes and Noble saw my books and said, "Ooh, Plant Witchery! I think I saw that one online at a cheaper price! Let me check!" Then proceeded to price match the book, saving me ten dollars. He saved me two dollars on Gardner's book as well, to which he commented, "Ah, a traditionalist." Me? Nah, not really. Someone who likes to study and believes in knowing the roots of your beliefs, that's all. But there again, he knew enough to comment, which means that his lack of weirdo neon signs was not enough for me to have felt so deterred.
We ended up having a really nice conversation, and I think I made a friend. All of this is to say, once again, living your truth is important. I'm starting to notice some themes in this project. Anyway, on day twenty nine, I'm grateful for the ability to live boldly, even in the South, and for the Books and Nibbles guy who may just be a new member of the circle.
Don't be afraid. Or do. Just make sure you do the thing anyway,
-Dominique
Comments