Day two, and actually getting this one written early. I was told by a therapist a couple of years ago that daily gratitude was an important practice, and for someone who enjoys the written word as much as I do, journaling gratitude should be one of the first actions of my day. And for a while it was, but much like many healthy habits, it slowly dissipated. Anyway, today's gratitude brought me back into that space, because it hit me pretty early this morning, as I was pulling my card of the day.
Today I am grateful for the gift of resilience. Maybe gift is the wrong word, as resilience is never something that is given freely, but rather something that is earned, a skill that is forged through the fires of time.
After my miscarriage in 2020 (and the rest of the chaos that went along with that year), I fell into a really bad headspace and sought the help of the Air Force Chaplain, which felt like a total move of desperation in my mind, but now I realize that the choice in and of itself was a decision of strength. He listened intently as I mumbled through what felt like the hardest story of my life (as a sidenote: as someone who seems to naturally draw people in who wish to regale their life stories, I'm convinced that every human on this planet has at least one story that can bring you to heart wrenching tears), but when I was done, he said something that I had not expected. In the moment that felt like my weakest, my most broken, a space I wasn't entirely convinced I could emerge from, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Your gift, the reason you can and will make it through this, is your resilience. I've only known you for thirty minutes, yet all of the things you have told me you've gone through thus far...only a resilient person could endure. And that resilience will save you once again."
At first, I was honestly just relieved he didn't give the credit to God. I couldn't have taken that blow in the moment. Then, a feeling of anger bubbled up, fueled by the sheer exhaustion that being "resilient" for so long had brought on. I thought about how the world today seems to resent resilience, because we "shouldn't have to be that way"...and in the moment, I agreed with that viewpoint. A viewpoint that, honestly, I now see as victimizing.
Because now, I see what he meant. I understand. Whether or not we should have to be resilient, sometimes it is, in fact, what life calls for. Life never promised it would be easy, and as I heard many times growing up, it certainly never promised to be fair. And it is in those moments of soul crushing agony, those struggles we truly feel that we may never get out of, that resilience saves the day. The ability, the willingness, the drive to persevere, to stay the course because there is no other choice, it's a character trait built by the fires of life. True strength comes from resilience, and today, I am grateful I have it.
Life is not, nor has it ever been, an easy road. Some chapters were easier reads than others, but many of them have built resilience. I believe that fact to be true for so many people, as I see strength in those around me every day. The willingness to get up and try again. The fall seven times, stand up eight mentalities. The belief in doing better, of living a life worth living to the best of their abilities. Human strength is astounding, really.
I don't believe you must remain resilient without self compassion and understanding. Those two things can, and should, go hand in hand. But in the moments that you feel defeated, and like you shouldn't have to be resilient, remember that it is an act of self love, in and of itself.
To quote an incredible character from "The Great":
"The world burns a person down many times. And you shake off the ashes and walk into the next fire, knowing that the fire never gets to the core of you."
So today, I am grateful for the gift of resilience, and it's ability to keep me afloat during times I'd drown otherwise.
Show yourself some love today.
-Dommie
Comentarios