I consider myself fortunate to have grown up in the DC metro radius. As far as diversity goes, you don't get much better than where I grew up. Being different was the status quo, there really wasn't a standard cultural norm, so to speak. How do I mean? Well, in my current city down here in the south, it is extremely apparent that Evangelical Christian is the cultural norm. It also falls into play that white and Republican are staples, too. I didn't grow up around that type of extreme cultural influence. I was always surrounded by many races, religious beliefs, and cultures. I was raised on the core belief that all human beings are equal, and all human beings are worthy of respect, until they personally do something that shows they are not. Needless to say, moving down to the Bible belt was a shock to the system.
When I was lucky enough to discover the Pagan group that I did as a teenager, it didn't come as any surprise to me that they were just as diverse as the rest of the people in my life. After all, that was the norm, but it was shown in full technicolor in the first class on Witchcraft I took in that large (to me) magic shop in Leesburg, Virginia. I quickly learned that, though everyone fell under the umbrella term of Pagan, there were several different sets of beliefs in that room. Different styles of practice, different Deities to seek guidance from, different cultural influences, so many different opinions, feelings, and ideas. Quite honestly, even seventeen years later, that still strikes me as the most magical thing about Paganism. That you can get a room full of ten Pagans, and come out having heard eleven different opinions on a topic, yet everyone can still remain friends! They can all still come together, share sacred space in Circle, share cakes and ale, then go about their business! Let's be honest, looking at today's completely divisive culture, where EVERY topic causes an extreme left or right reaction (I don't only mean in the political sense, but that too) the idea of such an eclectic group of humans coming together and uniting under one shared core value is nothing short of magical.
Anyway, that was the grounding principle that always had me feeling safe and at home in the practice of Paganism. The family feeling, the united community. The exchanging of different ideas and beliefs, the open debate and conversation. I was always learning something new, but never made to feel stupid or anything less than a member of the group. I assumed that was how Pagans were everywhere, but add a few years of maturity and a move to the South, and needless to say, I was shown a different side of the coin.
I think we can all understand the fact that seeking a magical community in the Bible Belt is risky business, and can be scary for a newcomer. In a town where Baptist churches are the equivalent of 7/11 gas stations up north in the sense that there is one on every corner, finding a Pagan group can feel damn near impossible. Though we are much less hidden as a religion now than we were back when I first started my journey into spirituality, certain geographical areas still keep us a bit more tucked away than others. But a little bit of Google research (okay, let's be honest, a little bit of Facebook research) and you will find several local groups, shops, and other random pop ups that let you know that, yes, there are others here like us. You are not alone.
At first glance it almost feels comforting. There are more groups here now than I honestly ever would have expected when I first moved here twelve years ago. But as I have learned in an admittedly desperate attempt to find a home for my Pagan practice, when you look just enough beneath the surface of all of these supposedly welcoming groups, you find some things that may feel familiar if you grew up in any sort of traditional church lifestyle. Things that I was so grateful to have escaped when I left the confines of Christianity and found the comforting arms of the Goddess in Pagan beliefs.
Humans have an innate desire for power, and when left unchecked, it can cause a tidal wave of problems. When you dip your toe into the Pagan community here, you see that desire in full force. The need to be the "best" group, the "biggest" group, or even the desperation to be the "head witch of the city"...I'll be honest, I don't know what that would actually entail, these things are the driving force for many leaders here. Thirst for power has collapsed empires throughout all of history, and if we delude ourselves into believing that it cannot collapse something as fragile as a Pagan community in the bowels of Baptist central, we will watch it go up in flames. Gone are my beliefs that several groups with different belief systems and practice structures can come together and share circle, because here, the fires of hatred and adversity burn so strongly that there is no sense of community. It is nearly impossible to find a sense of "home", which for me is the core reason for seeking out a spiritual space, because the need to be at the top of the pyramid seems to far outweigh the desire to help the community. If I'm honest, being the emotional human that I am, I've cried over this many times. My once cherished belief that the outcasts and the misfits who believed differently than most could all come together and create that sense of home was crumbling before my eyes, all in the hands of the greedy and the power driven.
Needing to be the biggest and the best puts you out of reach to the lost and the searching. Those people who need us. The ones who need the arms of the Goddess and the warmth of the fire, the comfort of grounding with others who see the world through a similar scope and the ability to freely express their ideas and identity without fear or shame. A true leader in a belief structure like this should not need to announce their elite status, but rather, show their desires to help by the work they do in this community. Which is where the question really sets in: Are you trying to build a community, or are you out to gain power? Because if America itself has taught us anything, it should be that one of those goals unites, while the other catastrophically divides.
All of that being said, I've found it works best for me in my current geographical location not to put my name in any one ballot box for any specific group or leader. I will continue to build a strong personal practice, while walking through life wearing my little silver beacon - a pentacle that lets others know that I am safe to talk to. People like the veterinary technician I met a few weeks ago, with a shaky voice and hunched up shoulders, who whispered to me, "I like your necklace." To which I responded, "I like your ring. Feel free to text the number on that paperwork if you need a friend."
To get lost in the fight for power amongst our own, to build such hatred and vitriol within our own circles while the rest of the whole damn state hates us enough as it is (I'm not making this up, we have a mailman who won't come to our porch because of my pentagram wreath. He leaves the packages on my car) is a crime against our people. To build taller fences instead of longer tables when we have enough to fight against outside of our community is nothing short of insanity. We should be focused on being stronger together instead of being the strongest one. Here, Paganism is not a safe space to call home, but rather, a battleground for superiority, and quite frankly, it hurts my soul.
I hope to see a change in the culture here at some point, but in the meantime, I will leave you with this: If you're feeling alone, please know that you aren't. If you feel overwhelmed, lost, and are looking for a place to call home for you and your practice, please know that the power to create that home feeling is within you. You do not need the influence or supposed power of others to give that to you. I, more than most, understand the longing and the search for community, and I encourage you to find others who think along the same lines as you do. But do not allow your sense of safety and home to be reliant on others, for that will only feed the flames of the fire of their power. Do not let anyone take that sense of home from you. And if building a community is what you're after, build a long table, pull up a few chairs, and be willing to let others sit down. Taller fences break communities. The power struggle within leaves us weak and vulnerable to those who wish to harm us from the outside. I may be a bit naive in this sense, but when it comes to building community, in my opinion, love will always top power.
I am grateful to have been shown this path of life by the people in that big (to me) magic shop. They showed me how beautiful something can be when you come together in love and respect, and that, for me, will always be worth fighting for.
Comments