Some wise man once told me that I'm an external processor. He then proceeded to explain the difference between the internal and the external processor, which may seem really obvious (and honestly it is) but in the heat of my processing, I didn't put two and two together. Long story short, I have a need to get my feelings out there, otherwise they consume my every waking thought. I cannot sit and process, well, internally, or else I will, in all likelihood, implode. Dramatic? Maybe. But also possibly true. I'm a person with a lot of emotion. I used to consider it a flaw, and one that would ultimately lead to my undoing, until I met Jan, my therapist back on the west coast. She compared feelings to crayons, and told me that different people have different amounts of crayons in their boxes. Most fall within the "normal range", think the twelve to twenty four crayon packs. Some can be so limited emotionally that they're those three packs you get at restaurants (yeah, those dry waxy things). Then there's me, and others like me, who leap to the other end of the Crayola spectrum, clocking in with one of those one hundred and twenty crayon boxes, complete with sharpener so we can always keep our emotions honed. It's neither good nor bad, better or worse, it just is. It's one of those ways in which humans can be so different.
That entire diatribe was simply to say - I need to get all the things out. All the words, all the ideas, all the imaginatings, they all need to be out. When I don't express, the anxiety and depression take hold (witness the last four years or so of my existence). SOOOO...that brings us to day fifteen of #gratitudeproject2023. I'm grateful for the gift of the written word, my natural inclination to it, whatever push finally got me to start actually writing again, and the friends who support my endeavors.
While, at it's core, my writing is simply what I said above - a way for me to process, to let the steam out of the pressure cooker if you will, it's still nice to have people who support me along the way. The ones who read my blogs, the ones continually asking me to release the book I've worked so long on and hold tight to my chest with a white knuckle grip, the ones who listen to my rants and rambles, my muses and dreams...I'm so grateful for all of you. And I'm grateful to have landed on a medium (or two) where I can share said rants and rambles, along with other creative projects, so freely.
So today I am grateful for all one hundred and twenty of my crayons, for without them I couldn't write the way I do. I couldn't dream up books on torrid love affairs or stories of saving angels that are trapped atop Mormon temples. I couldn't write ridiculously long blogs to express something as simple as gratitude, or conjure social media posts that some have labeled as inspiring. I'm grateful for my fire, I'm grateful for pen and paper (ok, and laptop), and I'm grateful for the readers of the world, especially the readers in my world. Thank you.
All my love.
- I'm Dominique today
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