My search for some sense of community, a mentor, someone to look up to and learn from, led me to the company of a wonderful woman and her partner this evening. I've had this desire since being back in Georgia, to find the feeling of community and shared beliefs, and a mentor to continue to learn from. Or at least I thought I did. But as the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears," and so she did...she just didn't teach me what I thought she would.
I sought her company in hopes to gain knowledge and wisdom in our beliefs, and though I guess that did happen, that wasn't the main lesson of today, and it's not the part I'm grateful for. I thought I needed someone to guide me, to lead me in some capacity through this walk of life. However, by sharing her wisdom with me, she taught me that just the opposite is true. In her own words, "There is nothing I can teach you that you don't already know."
It hit me like a ton of bricks during dinner tonight. While I firmly believe in always learning and growing, and always surrounding yourself with those you can learn from, tonight I learned she was right...I don't need anyone to lead me in Paganism. I've studied for over half my life at this point, and while there will always be those who are wiser and more studied, I don't need to find someone to tell me how to witch. The part of me that was so desperate for some sort of guide was, once again, hoping someone else would tell me the right way to do something. But there is no one right way, and for me, there is my way.
So today I am grateful for the company I had the pleasure of keeping tonight, the lessons I learned, the laughs that were shared, and the realization that I am the guide I've been searching for. I am the home I need, as long as I'm willing to come home to myself. I'm also grateful to have been around someone who so unashamedly shows her beliefs. It's one thing to practice Paganism, it's another thing entirely to actually believe in it. It was refreshing to be around such an energy again.
I'm grateful for the not so gentle nudges that led me to pursuing this particular teacher tonight, and I'm so happy to get to call her a friend. I can't wait to learn more, but next time, over afternoon tea. In the meantime, I'm happy to feel more solid and confident in my own ability to teach and lead. And I'm grateful to realize that I've been home all along.
Dominique
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